How to keep an urn?
There is no right or wrong way to keep an urn. From keeping the urn in a closet to having it on display in a living room, the only right way for keeping an urn is the way that feels right to you. There are many creative urn storage solutions out there. There are necklaces, planters, and even candle holders that hold the ashes and allow this new urn to be part of your life on a day-to-day basis.
Should I display the cremation urn?This is a very personal question. If having your urn with the cremated ashes of your loved one on display brings you comfort, then by all means, display your urn. You may feel differently from day to day. Consider also whether or not other people noticing the urn might bring you discomfort. You might welcome their questions as a way to talk about and remember your loved one. Also, your lobed one was likely very important to the other people in your life as well, and they may welcome the opportunity to remember them as well. Be aware of your feelings and make sure that you only talk about your loved one if it supports your grief and healing process. Having the urn on display may help you work through the five stages of grief. And remember you can always change your mind and reverently put the urn away when, or if, it is ever time. Remember, your loved one would want you to heal and would only want you to display the urn if it’s the right decision for you.
Is it weird to keep the urn in my room?When it comes to urn placement, the only person’s opinion who matters is yours. If you want to keep your urn in your room, then by all means, keep your urn in your room. When it comes to grief and coping, it’s more important to do things that are comforting, than to try to be arbitrarily “not weird”.
If you share a room with someone, asking them if they are bothered by the urn on display is polite, but especially during the early stages of loss, totally unnecessary. If the urn on display in the bedroom bothers the person you’re sharing your room with, which hopefully is unlikely, you can always keep the urn in a drawer you use often, or tucked a little away in a closet, or perhaps on a shelf behind something. But aside from the opinion of someone you share a room with, do what your loved one would want you to do, which is whatever feels best to you at the time.
Should I keep the urn away from my kids?
There are two main things to consider when deciding to have an urn filled with cremated ashes around children. The first thing to consider is if your child or children are at a younger, curious stage of life and might hurt themselves by trying to eat the ashes or knocking the urn onto themselves. If your child, or children, is under the age of four or so, then they may be at risk of harming themselves by trying to eat the ashes, or having the urn fall on them if they are climbers or if the urn is at a reachable height. These concerns are the same for almost any decorative item in your home, so use your parenting common sense when it comes to your children’s safety. In addition, your children are likely feeling the loss of the loved on also. They may be extra curious about the urn containing the remains of their beloved person. This may just mean being extra sure a displayed urn is well out of their reach.
The second thing to consider is the emotional impact displaying the urn around your children will have and in turn the emotional impact that will have on you. Children are naturally curious so be prepared for questions and tears. Having the urn on display may help your children process their grief and their curiosity about death. This is an opportune time to start an age-appropriate conversation about death. It’s important to use simple, direct language. Be sure to use words like “dead”, “death” and “dying” and to avoid euphemisms. A euphemism is a mild or less direct word or phrase used to substitute a more direct word or phrase. Children need to understand the finality of death, and euphemisms such as “Your grandma is in a better place”, can be confusing to children and postpone the start of their healing process. Having the urn out where your children can see it could be supportive of the whole family’s healing process.